Socializing: Finally, we have become increasingly aware that stress can be reduced through the establishment of (and active engagement in) social networks. Several neurotransmitters that are activated by “bonding” activities serve (like lumens and exercise) as stress-reducers. This does not mean that the social network must be extensive (there can be too much of a good thing), but it does mean that stress is rarely reduced by long term social isolation. We all need to “cocoon” sometimes and bow out of the social “rat race.” However, sustained isolation produces depression and increases stress. Computer networking doesn’t seem to be sufficient (in fact, extensive time on the computer can actually increase depression). There must be some face-to-face interaction (or at least audio interaction via phone, Zoom, etc.)

We can identify those interpersonal relationships that are most gratifying and stress-reducing. How do we further cultivate these relationships? How do we diversify these relationships, so that we find “bonding” experiences at work, at home and in our neighborhood? Many years ago, Robert Bellah and his colleagues (Bellah, et al, 1985) wrote about “lifestyle enclaves” which are the new communities in 21^st Century societies. These are social networks made up of people with similar hobbies, interests, values and life purposes (ranging from a Polka club to a Porsche car club and from a poker club to a support group for children of alcoholics). We can identify “enclaves” to which we now belong or would like to join. It is important that we participate without “guilt” in the enclaves that already bring us pleasure and that help to reduce the stress we inevitably encounter in our busy life.

What to Avoid

There are several important strategies and actions to avoid when managing the stress in our lives. First, it is important to not “over-dream.” While compelling aspirations are important sources of motivation and guidance, they must be realistic. Studies of errant motives of achievement often suggest that achievement goals can be set too low (leading either to lethargy or routinization of one’s life work). Conversely, achievement goals can be set too high (leading to dismay or failure to launch. Most importantly, when there are unrealistic expectations than one is inclined to place all control in some external entity—be it fate, luck or the intervention of a Divine entity (such as God or Allah). Is it too far to our own Emerald City—even with the help of our friends?  A critical but caring friend or an executive coach can also be of great value in helping us set goals that are challenging but achievable.

This first strategy to avoid leads us to a second strategy that can increase stress rather than reduce it. We make false assumptions about how someone or something else can really help us. This is once again a matter of locus of control. Do we really need to journey all the way to our Emerald City in order to heal our heart? Can we really rely on the Wizard of Oz to solve all our problems—or even some of them. Like the Tin Man (and his companions), can we find relevant strengths (and perhaps even a solution to our problem) inside our head and heart? (Bergquist, 2023c)